What happened to me, you want to know? I would normally not have shared, had it not been for the call to submissions of SoMeDocs. Nor to the brave post that Dr. Corriel shared the other day, in our discussion group on Facebook.

I am a physician. It’s important for me to state that fact, upfront.

I worked hard to be where I am today, and I have a thriving practice. Despite this, I am also very unhappy.

Medicine is not what it used to be, and it’s certainly not what I envisioned going into, back when I was innocently looking to make a difference in this world. I was motivated to do something important with my life.

As I got more and more frustrated with my job, and more, so, with my profession, I started joining physician communities on Facebook, where I was hoping to find alternate outlets for my time, and connect with other like-minded professionals.

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I did just that.

I joined several large groups and I started to read, and to watch.

After being there for some time, I got brave enough to interact. It was wonderful.

I certainly met colleagues, who felt just like me, and got to know about new things.

I also started finding the courage to become more entrepreneurial in my mindset, and I created an LLC, hoping to use my skills in smarter, and more productive ways.

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I also got more brave online.

As I grew stronger in my path to learning, I started to feel courageous about sharing my own path.

I realized there was so much I could share to help others, from my own journey growing.

But I also suddenly noticed a change in how I was regarded. I suddenly noticed that I my comments were being erased.

I would reply to those who were asking for resources, for help. But my comments were being deleted.

I also noticed that others comments were kept up.

I tried to figure out exactly why I was being faulted, while others weren’t.

I tried to change the way that I responded, being less aggressive about the things that worked. Not sharing specific links. Even being more supportive and warm in one comment, and then being less so in another.

But nothing helped.

It seemed almost as if, because I had grown strong, and had some of the answers to questions being asked, albeit my own, I was no longer welcomed in the conversations.

It seemed as if it was only the weak and vulnerable that were welcomed to communicate in the group I once loved, and not so much those of us that had become educated, and were more aware, and were in the know.

I reached out to the person in charge of the community.

Why was I being silenced, I asked. I was an example of a peer that had succeeded, and the specifics I had used to become a better version of myself, should be shared, after all.

I was told that I couldn’t. Not only could I not share others’ links, but I even could not share my own.

There was, however, an exception to this unstated rule. There was a price tag attached to what I could share. If I paid the organizer of the group, I could share that resource.

The price tag was high. I couldn’t afford it. I did notice that other mentions in the group came from industry leaders, and those who could much more readily afford that amount.

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This quite honestly made me angry.

This group was established for me and for my peers. We were supposed to be an important part of it, each one of us, individually.

But here I was, essentially being told, I couldn’t readily share everything I wanted to, unless I paid the patriarchy.

I felt really alone.

Nobody in the group really knew that this was happening behind the scenes. Nobody knew that this community organizer was doing this. To me, that was the worst and most isolating part of this all.

When the other doctors in the group were asking questions, did they know I couldn’t reply? Did they know that my responses were being deleted? Did they know that I was being messaged with a request for an exorbitant amount, in order to reply?

They didn’t. I felt deflated.

I’m still in the group.

I’m writing this anonymously because I don’t want to get kicked out. How ridiculous is that? I may sound like a hypocrite, because some of you may ask why I don’t leave, but the truth is, that’s where so many doctors actually are, online.

Part of me is thrilled that sold me. Doc is trying to highlight this. That they’re also creating communities that will be fair to those of us within.

I know that this has happened to more than just me because I see chatter, indifferent communities, but that chatter doesn’t seem to spread.

I decided to take a new courageous step in my life, by sharing this article here. I wouldn’t have normally done this, if I didn’t read about others experiencing this frustration and feeling the same. So here is to sharing our stories, and pointing out the evil ways in which Even our own colleagues, do bad things.