Intentionality: The Key to a Fulfilling Relationship

Alexandra Stockwell, MD, a couples coach, teaches us about embracing intentionality in our relationships to infuse it with fun, ease, and lightness, to significantly improve satisfaction and connection.

August 18, 2023

Do you long for an effortless, light-hearted, and fulfilling relationship?

It’s no secret that work and heaviness can cast a shadow on our relationships, making them less appealing and more burdensome. However, a simple yet powerful solution can infuse your relationship with fun, ease, and lightness – the practice of intentionality.

You see, when we merely “go with the flow” and allow things to unfold naturally, there’s a significant risk of hurt feelings, compromise, and overall dissatisfaction. To avoid this, embracing intentionality as a guiding principle in your relationship is crucial.

But let me clarify, being intentional doesn’t mean scheduling extensive planning meetings or creating a rigid quarterly agenda. It’s about consciously choosing the desired outcomes whenever you interact with your spouse. By doing so, you’ll find you significantly increase the likelihood of achieving those desired outcomes.

So, how does intentionality work in practice? 

Let’s explore some scenarios and discover how being intentional can transform your relationship.


  • Date Nights: 

Setting the tone for fun and relaxation on a date night, can begin by taking a moment to ask yourself: What is my intention for this evening?
For example, if your goal is to unwind and have a good time, it’s wise to avoid bringing up controversial topics that could dampen the mood. Instead, focus on creating a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere for both of you.


  • Conversations: 

Nurturing connection and understanding intentionality extends beyond date nights; it encompasses everyday conversations as well.

If you want to discuss a complex issue affecting both of you, take the time to set the tone and approach the topic with care. Doing so creates a space where you’ll both feel heard and valued.

On the other hand, if your intention is to update each other about your lives, steer clear of tangential discussions that may distract from the main purpose. Stay focused on sharing and listening attentively to deepen your connection.


"Nurturing connection and understanding intentionality extends beyond date nights."


  • Sexual Intimacy: 

Intentionality also plays a crucial role in cultivating desire and fulfillment when it comes to affection and sexual touch. If you yearn for intimacy, being mindful of your actions leading up to any encounter is important. For example, you might avoid overeating before a romantic evening and choose a dining venue that won’t prolong the dinner, allowing ample time for the intimate connection you desire. Or perhaps you share vulnerably to deepen emotional intimacy.


  • Bedtime Conversations: 

Respecting boundaries and peaceful sleep to ensure a good night’s sleep is often every important. It’s essential to consider your partner’s emotional well-being in the moment and the next day. If something bothers you, avoid bringing it up when it’s too late to work it all the way through. Prioritizing a peaceful atmosphere that encourages rest and rejuvenation will allow for better conversations at other times of day.


  • Major Life Decisions: 

Being intentional about maintaining harmony when making significant choices such as selecting a school for your children, or choosing a new home, often benefits from stating your intentions upfront. Being open and explicit will enhance understanding and deepen your connection.

Even if it may seem obvious, articulating your intentions creates space for valuable insights and strengthens your bond, while also setting you up to make better decisions collaboratively.


In my experience as a couples coach, I frequently witness the profound impact small shifts in intentionality have on relationships. These seemingly minor changes often lead to transformative and, at times, monumental improvements. Clarifying your intentions and aligning your actions accordingly is what catalyzes this magical transformation.

When intentionality becomes the foundation of your relationship, the possibilities for growth, joy, and fulfillment are limitless.

All opinions published on SomeDocs-Mag are the author’s and do not reflect the official position of SoMeDocs, its staff, editors. SoMeDocs is a magazine built with the safety of free expression and diverse perspectives in mind. For more information, or to submit your own opinion, please see our submission guidelines or email opmed@doximity.com. Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on SoMeDocs? Find out what we’re looking for here and submit your writing, or send us a pitch.

All opinions published on SomeDocs-Mag are the author’s and do not reflect the official position of SoMeDocs, its staff, editors. SoMeDocs is a magazine built with the safety of free expression and diverse perspectives in mind. Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on SoMeDocs? Submit your own article now here.


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