Who are YOU?
Many doctors are greeted by their patients as Dr LASTNAME. And by their nurses, assistants, or ancillary staff as the same. And by their administrators, industry colleagues, and community members in the same manner. Actually, everyone you encounter identifies you as DOCTOR first, except your family and very close friends. DOCTOR basically becomes like your first name.
You know what, I take that back. Some family members like to make sure everyone knows that you’re a doctor. When family introduces you to strangers, isn’t it always as DOCTOR?!?
Honestly, I loathed when patients called me only by my first name, neglecting to address me properly. I insisted that they call me DOCTOR because that’s who I am, right?
I loathed when patients called me only by my first name, neglecting to address me properly. I insisted that they call me DOCTOR because that's who I am, right? Click To Tweet
You worked hard, cried tears, sweat blood, and paid thousands, all to sign your identity away and assume this persona of DOCTOR. You know, fully equipped with the doctor talk and the doctor walk. You can often spot another doctor a mile away, with their Northface fleece, Dansko clogs, and Starbucks latte.
Since others identify you as DOCTOR first, and you identify as DOCTOR first, you lose sight of who you truly are. You lose the essence of your identity before you became doctors. Instead, you submit to this uniformity at the expense of your individuality.
The pandemic brought many latent issues to light, and as the world became more informed about trauma, there has been more awareness surrounding the doctor crisis and physician burnout. A helpful exercise in therapy at times is to address the version of you at the time of your trauma, to heal your inner child.
“You can often spot another doctor a mile away, with their Northface fleece, Dansko clogs, and Starbucks latte.”
The real doctor crisis may be internal rather than external, related to our identity more than our institutions. For physicians, our traumas often occur beyond childhood, often in rapid succession during our career development. Remember, the YOU then, is the inner YOU now.
You are a persistent premed student, who made it through STEM curriculum designed to discourage the casual dreamer and intended to weed out the chosen from the wannabees…
You are a junior medical student, who endured grueling courses and frequent examinations, sacrificing your present for your future, while conducting animal experiments and dissecting human cadavers…
You are a senior medical student, who was ridiculed by everyone more senior that you (including the nurses) for being short on knowledge, out of place, and out of sorts (like your short white coat) as you rotated through hospital units like an orphan in search of a home…
You are an impressionable intern, who tolerated being hazed like an NFL rookie in training camp, but for much longer, while being “pimped” by the attendings you aspired to be as you were prostituted as an expert in digital rectal examinations…
You are a resilient resident struggling to manage life and work, watching your contemporaries living life unencumbered while you and your colleagues forget what normal life is like in between taking call and taking cover…
You are a chief resident or fellow, second-guessing your career path and questioning your ability, but you’ve invested too much time and energy to turn back now; so you forge ahead to the guiding light at the end of the tunnel only to be greeted by a dumpster fire instead…
You are an academic attending, who is juggling the responsibilities of teaching, research, publishing, and committees, while battling bureaucracy and wondering if your position is as secure as you assumed it to be…
You are a private practice physician, who is juggling the responsibilities of marketing, billing, human resources, and customer service, while loathing autonomy as you calculate the cost of the price you paid for your imaginary emancipation…
You are a medical martyr willing to advocate for your patients against insurance companies, big pharma, and other agencies whose agendas keep you burned out and buried under student loans, electronic documentation, and prior authorizations…
You are a devout doctor who took an oath to do no harm, so you take it personally when any harm occurs to patients on your watch, even if it was out of your control…
“You are a devout doctor who took an oath to do no harm, so you take it personally when any harm occurs to patients on your watch, even if it was out of your control…”
You are a kind-hearted and selfless soul, whose love language is acts of service; whose generosity is taken advantage of and whose boundaries are habitually ignored for more demands of your time, to which you could never reply ‘No’…
You are a whole human, who finds it challenging to process feelings because you’ve been conditioned to only process thoughts and to compartmentalize your emotions, so that the next patient doesn’t feel the fallout from the last one…
You are a high-achieving, problem-solving, critical-thinking, do-it-all, who is stuck on how to get unstuck, unfulfilled in all your accomplishments and isolated from help because you’ve distanced yourself from ever receiving it…
Before you endured anything described above, YOU were YOU.
Your identity should be in your purpose as a person, not in your performance as a physician. When in crisis, take time to engage in self-reflection, self-exploration, and self-discovery. You are more than a DOCTOR. You are YOU.
