Navigate Libido Mismatch In Your Marriage: How to Reignite Juicy Passion Now

Alexandra Stockwell, MD shares advice on navigating libido mismatch in relationships with practical insights.

December 27, 2023

Libido mismatch is a common hurdle in relationships, often swept under the rug because it’s too complicated to deal with.

It happens when one partner wants sex and intimacy more frequently than the other. In this article, I’m delving into the situation where the man is the instigator, and the woman frequently declines.

In several heteronormative relationships, it’s not uncommon for the woman to desire sex more often while her husband regularly declines. I’ll explore this topic in a future article.


Understanding Libido Mismatch:

It’s important to understand that a woman’s disinterest in sex doesn’t signify a flaw or impairment in her anatomy or her psychology. Rather, it’s essential to recognize that many different factors contribute to sexual desire and fulfillment.

Emotional, physical, and environmental elements all influence an individual’s relationship with intimacy and whether or not they want to have sex. Acknowledging this complexity fosters a more empathetic and supportive environment, contributing to open communication and collaborative efforts to enhance overall satisfaction and well-being in intimate relationships.


It's important to understand that a woman's disinterest in sex doesn't signify a flaw or impairment in her anatomy or her psychology. Share on X


Recognizing the intricate web of factors influencing one’s intimate life is essential.

Are there potentially physical difficulties? Absolutely.

Would it be beneficial if she had fewer household responsibilities, such as childcare, grocery shopping, and household management? Absolutely.

Would it be easier if her work responsibilities didn’t generate as much stress? Certainly. 

Each of these aspects needs your attention. When there’s pain, seek advice from a physician or a pelvic floor therapist. If household tasks are overwhelming, responsibilities should be more evenly shared. Effectively managing work-related stressors is also important. Addressing these factors can bring about a noticeable improvement in how relaxed and responsive a woman can be.


"Recognizing the intricate web of factors influencing one's intimate life is essential."


Initiating with Intention:

For men in this situation, the key is understanding how to initiate in a way that inspires your partner.

Finding the right balance between being supportive and being romantic, being attentive to her needs, and creating an environment that fosters her responsiveness are all essential. It’s not about assigning blame; it’s about shared responsibility in building a fulfilling sexual connection.

Orient to being on the same team so you can create a win-win solution.

high-fiving hands emerging from adjacent computers, in cartoon style
Team work high-fives.


Women, Communicate Your Needs:

Conversely, women should feel empowered to communicate their needs within and beyond the bedroom.

Open communication is vital, whether assisting with household chores or a specific kind of touch that ignites desire.

Expressing desires in positive terms leads to constructive changes in the relationship.



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Simple Changes, Big Impact:

Sometimes, small changes can make a big difference.

A wife expressing how putting the kids to bed feels like foreplay or requesting assistance with daily tasks can create very different outcomes and in the process transform the dynamic of a relationship.

As Stella, my client, married 23 years, aptly puts it, “I never imagined our intimacy could surpass those early days of marriage – but now, it’s truly extraordinary.

Words can’t capture the depth of it!”


Investing in Your Relationship:

If you find yourself dealing with libido mismatch, consider investing time, attention, and resources into your relationship.

Explore sexual intimacy coaching, listen to podcasts together, or take the time to discuss your desires and options openly.

Remember, having a fantastic relationship and a satisfying sex life are skills that can be learned.

Ultimately, your effort to understand and connect with your partner will pave the way to a more fulfilling and passionate relationship.

All opinions published on SomeDocs-Mag are the author’s and do not reflect the official position of SoMeDocs, its staff, editors. SoMeDocs is a magazine built with the safety of free expression and diverse perspectives in mind. For more information, or to submit your own opinion, please see our submission guidelines or email opmed@doximity.com. Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on SoMeDocs? Find out what we’re looking for here and submit your writing, or send us a pitch.

All opinions published on SomeDocs-Mag are the author’s and do not reflect the official position of SoMeDocs, its staff, editors. SoMeDocs is a magazine built with the safety of free expression and diverse perspectives in mind. Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on SoMeDocs? Submit your own article now here.


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